Somatic Experiencing and Brainspotting

Let’s talk about why you are here…

You are finally admitting how disillusioned you feel. You did all the “things.”

You have achieved your goals, and yet, you feel empty.

You know you are not coping in the healthiest ways – you’re drinking too much and overworked. You have some healthy relationships, though some feel like a ton of work, yet you still feel lonely.

You’re tired of living some false version of yourself, but what does it mean to “live authentically”?

Most of the time, you can go through the motions pretty well.

You do what needs to get done. However, sometimes your reactions surprise you. You have strong anger when your children push boundaries.

You may be incredibly afraid to speak up at work even though there is a logical side that says you do not need to be that scared.

There are times when you cry or feel hopeless, and the trigger is small – the stack of dishes or a friend canceled at the last minute.

You are increasingly aware that your coping strategies are not helpful, regardless of how “normal” they have become in the world we are living in.

Our perspective is an accumulation of what has happened to us.

When we interact with the world, our nervous system responds with thoughts, feelings, and bodily reactions.

In our society, we are pretty accustomed to paying attention to our thoughts. But what about when our thoughts are overreactions or always put us in the most negative light, finding the most catastrophic outcome possible?

We may feel hurt but tell ourselves that it is “not a big deal.” However, if we allow the feeling to be felt, it may actually lead to a response that is the “right amount of deal.”

For example, I have a special needs child who went through a biting phase. We were playing, and he went to kiss me and instead decided to bite my lip. It hurt! I was in a bind. Part of me wanted to throw him off. Part of me knew that would not be good for him and may hurt me more.

Once he released, I ran to the bathroom. Initially, I thought I wanted to cry. However, I paused to see what my body wanted to do. I noticed heat in my throat, which I had previously associated with sadness. But as I felt it, it turned into anger.

I observed my body to see what it wanted to do instead. I know this is weird, but my lips curled, and I almost snarled. As I did that, the heat in my throat grew, and I could feel it expanding and contracting. I noticed my hands coming up to protect myself, and as I did that, the heat began to subside. What I thought was sadness was actually anger, and the point of the anger was to protect myself and have a boundary.

I could not have that boundary in the moment for various reasons, but when I felt it after the fact, I could release the energy that may have otherwise stayed in there, causing me to flinch each time he came near me.

If I had stayed with my familiar story that I was sad about getting hurt and thus the victim, I would have remained in that cycle and solidified that narrative. Having a new experience with my sensations and feelings allowed for a new story. It empowered m, gave me a choice in how to respond, and increased confidence in my ability to protect and take care of myself. It also opened the door for me to continue loving and taking care of my son in the way he needed.

What does your BODY tell us when you talk about your life?

Does your heart beat faster when you talk about a past relationship?

When you share pieces of your childhood, do you notice tightness in your throat?

Do you notice an odd absence of a reaction when you talk about an incredibly painful or difficult experience? This may show up as even a void or empty feeling in the heart, chest, or gut.

How about a sinking feeling when you have to set a boundary? A fear that seems larger than the situation calls for, yet the dread is still there.

When you are more connected to what is happening in your body…

… as you experience the world, you’ll become more “present” in that world.

When you’re more present, you have more choice in responding to others and the things around you. And when you have that choice, you have the freedom to respond more lovingly, more kindly, more compassionately – even to yourself!

This works because we react in patterned ways. This explains why we do what we do not want to do and do not do the things we do want to do. Something new happens when we can disrupt the pattern, even if it is just in my office.

When we imagine a stressful situation that would cause us to freeze or use a substance or break down crying and that does not happen, and we actually feel what it is like to move through a feeling in a new way, it shows us we are capable of having choice and increases our resilience. It is like me telling you how to hit a baseball compared to the experience of hitting it for yourself – the same thing, in theory, but a world of difference in practice.

It’s about living more clearly – more in line with who you really are…

There are these fears inherent with unpleasant emotions.

With anger, we fear that we will hurt ourselves or others.

With sadness, we fear that if we feel it, we will lose ourselves in it and always feel it.

With fear itself, we are afraid we will be stuck or immobilized.

When we learn to move through the anger, we experience clarity and direction.

When we move through the sadness, we experience love.

When we move through fear, we experience excitement and motivation.

Fear, anger, and sadness hold our bodies in a constricted pattern, which holds the stories about who we are in a stuck pattern. When we allow the feelings to move, the body expands, and the stories fall away.

This comes through noticing what we are feeling and where we are feeling it in our bodies. Once we can locate it, it often will shift. It will increase, decrease, stay the same, move, or provide further clarity about the cause.

I went for a run during that bizarre week at the beginning of our recent global health crisis in March 2020. Do you remember that time when everyone went outside, was incredibly friendly, and incredibly frightened by everyone else?

I passed someone who did not move over on the sidewalk, and I felt anger. I did not shove the person off the sidewalk for various social and moral reasons. Usually, I may just ignore it or complain about it later, getting slightly agitated, possibly thinking I would not do something like that, and move on.

However, I paused to see what story my body would want to tell. I noticed my neck wanting to turn to the right (where the individual was) until a certain point, and my ears started to buzz. I stopped turning at that point, and my right arm tensed until I lifted it and pushed outward. Once I did that, I felt a tingling feeling down my arm and could take a deep breath and relax. I no longer felt agitated and was able to release that energy, after the fact, without having to harm anyone or ignore my feelings.

I know this work sounds “different.” That’s because it is.

I do my own body-based work – Somatic Experiencing and Brainspotting.

Why? Because I know how to overthink, and so do you. We can consider every outcome, and yet we are still anxious. We can recall when we were not depressed or imagine a time when we will not be depressed, yet here we are, seemingly living out the same day repeatedly.

We do not need more coping skills – they are great when the moment is tough, to get to the next moment, but what about after that. I needed a bridge from understanding difficult aspects of my upbringing to how it impacts me today. I needed a new way of moving through the stuck emotions. I needed a way to touch into my healthy aggression (or suppressed anger) to assert my needs, identify what I really want, and live out my greater purpose.

I can consider different vantage points with my friends. Still, in therapy, I needed to have a new experience that touched on my strength and gave me the confidence and ability to explore the scariest aspects of my past in a time and pace that I dictated to discover who I really am and have the freedom to live that out.

It’s strange: We seldom do this kind of work, even though it feels like the most natural thing in the world. It feels like how we were made to live – connected to what’s inside and outside of us while remaining clear on that distinction.

You can live a richer, deeper, more beautiful life!

Won’t you join me? I’m ready when you are. Call today for your free consultation: (651) 412-3247.